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McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Excerpts From the Diary of an Aspiring Death-Metal Frontman.
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Pre-order Dave Eggers' new book, Zeitoun , here .
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EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF AN ASPIRING DEATH-METAL FRONTMAN.
BY JESSE SINGAL
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3/12/05
Dear Diary,
Today is a day to be remembered, a day that will shine brighter than any other in the annals of history. For I, Deathblow (née Daniel Rosenberg), have formed a band: Sockhop Babykill Redux. Our music will bring false prophets to their knees as it cuts a swath through the niggling trivialities of daily life, a swath that will reveal nothing but pure, blinding truth. Kings will weep when they gaze upon us, weep with the knowledge that despite their royal splendor they will never amount to anything but a fraction of our collective, splendid worth.
We're still short a bassist, though. We're having open auditions for the spot.
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3/15/05
Dear Diary,
What luck! We have already found our bassist. She is a goddess when she plays, she and her bass becoming inextricably intertwined to form a singular entity of stunning beauty and grace. Her name is Festering Axe Wound.
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3/23/05
Dear Diary,
Here's the note my roommate/bandmate left on the fridge this morning:
"Deathblow,
I am off to secure a gig for Sockhop Babykill Redux. Once our performances begin, we will become a plague unto this land, wrapping ourselves around northeast Richmond like a foul mist. With music in our hearts and hatred in our voices we will wake up these accursed zombies, releasing buckets of bile from their filthy, rotten throats as they realize what a horrific charade this despicable American scream has become!
Bloodslurp
P.S. We need milk."
Why is it always I who must obtain milk, Diary? Why is it always I?!?!?!?!?!
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3/24/05
Dear Diary,
All hail Bloodslurp!!!!! My intrepid roommate and drummer has secured us a show two weeks hence at Mike's Bar and Grill, which, according to Bloodslurp, consists of a sickeningly banal m"
....
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