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defective yeti
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"The Squirrelly
January 11, 2007
Butteryfingers
FADE IN
INT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
MATTHEW and THE QUEEN are sitting on a couch in their living room, 20 minutes into the Season 2.5 finale of BATTLESTAR GALACTIC. They both appear to be ON EDGE, as if ANTICIPATING something.
SOUND EFFECT: THE DISTANT RATTLE OF A TINY HAND STRUGGLING TO TURN AN ADULT-SIZED DOORKNOB
The ratting continues for a few seconds and then STOPS ABRUPTLY. A moment passes.
Enter THE SQUIRRELLY, left
SQURRELLY : Hiya!
THE QUEEN : You little --
MATTHEW : God damn it!
MATTHEW pauses the DVD for the FORTY-HUNDREDTH TIME. He stands, grabs THE SQUIRRELLY, tucks the grinning toddler under has arm, and walks out of the frame.
MATTHEW : Come on, you.
Cut to:
INT - SQUIRRELY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
MATTHEW enters, carrying The SQUIRRELLY. He puts him in his BED for the FORTY-HUNDREDTH TIME.
MATTHEW : Now, look: it's time to go to bed. Do you understand? I want you to stay in your bed . From now on. Do you understand?
THE SQUIRRELLY giggles MALEVOLENTLY
MATTHEW : No, I'm totally for-serious this time. Stay in your bed. It's time for sleeping. Stay in your bed. Good night. Stay in your bed.
MATTHEW leaves the room, closing the DOOR behind him. The scene goes BLACK. Cut to:
INT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Enter MATTHEW, left. He walks to the SOFA.
MATTHEW : He looked pretty tired. I think he's going to stay in his room this time.
THE QUEEN : [Ominously] He'd better ...
MATTHEW picks up the REMOTE CONTROL from the TABLE and sits on the SOFA next to THE QUEEN. He presses PLAY.
Enter THE SQUIRRELLY, left
SQURRELLY : Hiya!
MATTHEW : NNNRRRRGH!
THE SQUIRRELLY ambles up to his parents, smiling. THE QUEEN stands.
THE QUEEN : That's it.
THE QUEEN takes THE SQUIRRELLY by the hand and leads him BRISKLY out of the frame. She is gone for a few minutes. When "
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